it's new year's eve!

what is today? the biggest party night of the year? well, it's at least one of them, that's for sure. i've got some options but i'm still not decided on what i will be doing. i can say for sure that i'll be around friends, making white russians, dancing, singing, counting down to midnight, and just being wacky and silly. i won't be able to see all my friends tonight though, and that makes me sad. to those i'm not able to be around tonight, HAVE A SA-WEET NEW YEAR'S!!! and i want to hear some crazy stories from you!

here's something i found in the newspaper just a few days ago. it makes me mad. really mad. these are the number one and number two ways to make your new year's eve the best ever. here's number two:
make sure there's someone nearby to kiss at midnight, because that would be really pathetic if you just stood there. this "someone" extends to best friends, ex-lovers and even random strangers. being taboo is preferrable to being sad and lonely.

and here's number one:
go for it. terms like "harassment", "party foul", "moral turpitude", and "irrepairable damages" all slip out of the collective vocabulary from 11pm to midnight on dec 31. for this one glorious hour, you are allowed to be the person you always wanted to be. allowed to dive into all the devious behavior you can think of. and the best part: you can repent your sins the next day with a self-improving new year's resolution.

absolutely rediculous. do NOT follow this crap. but seriously, have one heck of a night!

cheers!

either you're laughing, or you're scratching your head saying "what?"

31dec07 today's quote

without faith in a personal, loving god who actively participates in our lives through divine providence, we are like small children, who thinking themselves unloved, angrily hurl their toys from the cot.

to norfolk and back

most everyone has been asking most everyone else how their christmas has been. it's so great to hear of everyone's stories! a part of me is always hoping that no one asks how mine went. i feel what little fun or joy there was is swamped out by the negativity. i don't like telling people it was fine, and then just leaving it at that. they ask more questions, and then i let more out but feel i'm dumping on them. or they just give me a funny look and wonder why i said "fine" but didn't elaborate. either way, i feel a little down. it's just too tough. i want to talk about it. i want to feel understood and for someone to know how difficult it is for me. so i'll just say my christmas was the usual christmas and we'll leave it at that for now. but i want to hear your stories!

let's get back on track now. friday night was another lit night at the taylors' house in norfolk. josh, ben, and i drove up early that evening right after ben got off work. josh slept a majority of the way there. i felt i didn't have much to talk about because i was so excited to get to norfolk and see everyone. but i managed to converse with ben. we drove through a thick, thick fog and that helped give us a topic.

i was expecting more people to show, but the smaller crowd was really awesome. jake, dave, and jonathan came up too! last time i was there for lit night, i was picked to read first. and that was my first time. i was only a little nervous but was stoked to be going first. this time, we drew numbers. guess who got number one? uh-huh. me. i read from the little prince. again i was a little nervous. i started reading but realized afterward that i didn't preface what i was reading. i hadn't set up a context for everyone to know what was going on. i feel people would have gotten more out of it had i given them that context. there would have been more discussion, too. but alas, time cannot be reversed and i only hope i remember next time.

there were some really good reads there: poems, stories, short stories, etc. there wasn't as much a discussion as there was last lit night. i kinda missed the discussion. it's so cool to hear what others pull out of the readings. it's also so cool to hear what it means to people. there was food and drink to be had during it all. and afterward, there was still food. then there was card playing. mel and i lost twice in hand and foot. i was getting tired then. probably because it was 2:30 in the morning. i went to bed, prayed, and thought about the usual thoughts that are on my heart. i slept well though i woke up a lot during the night.

it was good to lounge with everyone in the morning. we had muffins and eggs and coffee. i had a banana and some juice too. someone suggested going to the ymca for wallyball, but too few had the money to spend or the clothes to wear for such a thing. so we settled on "apples to apples". it was very fun. unfortunately i couldn't stay saturday as well for i had to work that evening at 5. so ben and i drove back to lincoln. josh stayed and grabbed a ride home from jonathan.

work was slow lastnight. but i did make a LOT of tips. work was long and i didn't get out of there until 12:40ish. well, partly because i took a 20 mile detour after my last delivery so i could get out of the city, where it's dark, to take a picture of the sweet sweet moon lastnight. holy cow! it was amazing! but the camera on my mobile absolutely is crap when it comes to capturing shots of the moon. but it's still etched in my memory. w00t! i had a beer at o'rourke's with my friends peter and jeff. then i came home and hopped in bed.

church today was good. people ate afterwards. josh and i went to shopko. he bought a notebook for $.99. i came home to do some laundry and blog before going off to work. and now, here i am. here are some pics i took while in norfolk. i only took a few.


this is jake saturday morning.


this is jonathan saturday morning. i asked him to make a funny face, but he didn't give me one.


this is the taylors' dog. her name is daisy. she's little and very cute.


another pic of daisy.


and another pic of daisy.

i had taken more pictures but they were blurry and too hard to make out. i never said i was a good photographer. lol. have a great ending to your week all!

cheers!

30dec07 today's quote

the problem is they know what matters, but they don't choose it. you know how hard that is lily? i love may. but it was still so hard to choose caribbean pink. the hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters.

august, in the secret lives of bees, p 147

29dec07 today's quote

lily, that's the only purpose grand enough for a human life. not just to love - but to persist in love.

-august, in the secret lives of bees, p 289

i want next year to be different.

that's how i responded to ben's asking how my christmas was. i wish my family could have some resemblance of normalcy and togetherness. i wish my mother wouldn't choose to work on the holidays. i wish people wouldn't fight all the time. i wish i wasn't insulted and made fun of. i wish my older brother wouldn't be so vulgor and rude and self centered. i wish my family wasn't so bigotted and prejudice. i wish they would love each other. i wish it were fun. i wish they knew a thing or two about jesus. i wish it wasn't such a typical christmas for me. i wish it were different. i wish it didn't hurt.

cheers!

28dec07 today's quote

the friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away.

-barbara kingsolver-

you're not an old man. but you are getting older.

happy birthday bro! today you're 30. have a great great day!!!

cheers!

27dec07 today's quote

to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

-lewis b smedes-

can't wait to hear your stories!

i hope everyone had a great christmas!

cheers!

26dec07 today's quote

saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.

-cullen hightower-

25dec07 today's quote

the greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart.

-julien green-

24dec07 today's quote

the truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. bodies never lie.

-agnes de mille-

surpassing the 500 mark

well, it's happened. there have been over 500 blog posts this year. and it happened on my sister's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!

realisticly, there should have been more posts. there were times when i didn't put forth the effort to keep things updated. but i'm not upset in the least. i do wonder what the next year of blogging looks like? will i change the format of the page? what will the blog topics become? what new innovations in the blogging world will there be? i guess it's a real growth process, as anything is. i'm lookin' forward to it.

cheers . . ..

23dec07 today's quote

as long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

-dick cavett-

look at the pic!

i love how happy and content the dog looks in today's pic. it's awesome. kinda interested to note, that he looks a bit dumb. or maybe he's just tired. :shrug: my absolute favorite thing about the pic though, is the cat on the left. he's kind of nonchalantly poking his head out as if saying in a super cool cat kinda voice "sup?" ha ha ha! great pic! it makes me happy.

cheers!

22dec07 today's quote

everywhere i go, i'm asked if i think the university stifles writers. my opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. there's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

-flannery o'connor-

let's celebrate christmas with smoking!

here's some old cigarette ads. i thought i would post them.



cheers!

21dec07 today's quote

when we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. the friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

-henri nouwen-

like a shaggy dog

in roughly one month, it will have been a year since my last haircut. a whole year! in all honesty, it's rediculous going that long without even a trim. but i've never done it and wanted to see if i could. it is nice having hair flopping around but it's too unmanagable. i never realized how much shampoo i'd have to use either! still not completely sure what i'll do with my hair. we'll see i guess. have a good day all, go build a snowman.

cheers!

20dec07 today's quote

one's real life is often the life that one does not lead.

-oscar wilde-

numero dos

it happened for only the second time in my life. i got a speeding ticket. the o street overpass closing has caused much grief and now this is added to that. since i can't take o street west, i have to go waaaaaaay around. there are a couple of ways to do this but they take so much more time. it's highly inconvenient. i find that i drive faster to get the deliveries there on time.

lastnight, i decided to take the road that runs by haymarket park and then through the neighborhood just north and west of memorial stadium. the road was baron. where i got caught, i assumed the speed limit was 35 because of the wide road and no houses. by the way, there is no posted speed limit there until you enter the residential area. officer moody was writing me a ticket right there as i wasn't in the residetial area yet. and yes folks, i was slowing down as not to be speeding on slippery streets through a residential area lined with cars. i was going barely over 30 when i passed lincoln's finest. my ticket, however, was for 38 - making me wonder how far away i was actually clocked. since i was on the clock and in a hurry, i didn't want to spend time arguing with officer moody (who was already taking his own sweet time). i wish i would have seen the cop car earlier and braked, downshifted, e braked, and came to a complete stop quickly before i even got to him. then i could have sat there and then he'd have to walk back to me. lol! i wonder what he would have thought about that?

so now i have to take a stop class. bah! eight hours of someone telling me not to speed. eight hours of listening to some maroon telling me to drive at "ten and two". grrrr! i need to humble myself, go into the class, meet some new people there, have some fun, forget about the whole fiasco, and be thankful that i'll be paying a lower fine and not have my insurance go up.

cheers!

19dec07 today's quote

one man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men that haven't and don't.

-george bernard shaw-

18dec07 today's quote

talent hits a target no one else can hit. genius hits a target no one else can see.

-arthur schopenhauer-

as it is every year

i don't want any presents for christmas. i never do. the thing i most desire is to be with family and friends. well, and to eat lots of food too! growing up in a poor household with three other siblings, christmas presents from my parents were never numerous. and both sets of grandparents gave little in material things. mostly, they gave money. my father's parents are tightwads to the best definition of that word. two dollars was the usual gift... and it was always given with a noticeable sense of loss to my grandfather. my mother's parents were farmers during the depression. they knew how to stretch a dollar. i think this influenced their giving us grandkids a dollar or two in quarters. a few times, we did get half dollars though. atop these things, i was always hard to fit for clothes so when i received them as gifts, they NEVER fit.

i'm thankful for the past however. it's allowed me to not (fully) buy into the bad things about the christmas holiday here in the states. i can focus on people and "the reason for the season". i do hope those wishing to receive gifts do in fact receive what they are wishing for. remember to give and receive gracefully.

cheers!

thanks jonathan

saturday night's get together at jonathan's was a really good time. there was fellowship, food, drinks, laughs, music, and song. i felt warmed. it was so beautiful that i cried. i felt there was a bond there between everyone that only the closeness of community can bring. we're all friends. we came together and kept in our minds that christ was central in this. it's the kind of happiness and joy that i feel during these times that i want everyone to know! my heart aches because not everyone does know this. i let god know that his works are great and so is his love. i also prayed for those who don't know him and praised him for his work through me.

for the majority of yesterday, i was sad because i wanted a friend i know to have been there and experienced that kind of awesomeness saturday night. i've made some terrible mistakes as a friend lately and i didn't know how to ask her to come. i feel bad. i feel guilty. during this time in her life, she needs comfort, safety - a good friend. i'm really sad about things and inside i hurt soooooo much. and this is just another blow that's bringing me down.

cheers . . ..

17dec07 today's quote

trust only movement. life happens at the level of events, not of words. trust movement.

-alfred adler-

16dec07 today's quote

rivers know this: there is no hurry. we shall get there someday.

-a a milne-

15dec07 today's quote

i believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.

-thomas jefferson-

not the best day yesterday

the entirity of yesterday was spent dealing with some hurt i am going through. there were things all day long, that i had no control over, that were going bad. to add to that, the exhaust pipe that seperated from the catalytic converter on my car decided to snap completely off. it began to drag on the road as i drove. i was soooo frustrated! i was on a delivery at work when this happened. i delivered the food and went to a walgreen's, hoping they'd have some cheap wire or clothe's hangers to tie up the pipe. they only had zip ties. bummer. i bought them anyway. by the time i got back to work though, the exhaust had been torn away from the muffler. this made me more frustrated. but it actually was less work to get it out from under the car without the muffler being attatched to the pipe. i did have to use my break take care of the removal. and thus, i did not have time to eat anything, and i was hungry! i then slipped on the ice outside and fell HARD. i hurt my hand but i'm okay. it added to the frustration. i spent all day trying to be in good spirits. that takes a lot of energy. coming home after work, i was drained. i retired to my room and went to bed with tear-filled eyes. yesterday was one of those days where if it could have gone wrong, it did. whew! am i glad it's over. today is a new day and it's going swell. weeeeeee!

cheers!

short posts, or no posts, as of late

boy! you can sure tell when i've got things on my mind that are bothering me. there isn't much blogging going on! lol. <--that's me laughing at myself. and that's good. i'm feeling pretty good today. as usual, once i air what it is inside of me, the progression towards feeling better starts. thank you friends for all the love! you've helped a great deal.

cheers . . ..

14dec07 today's quote

if the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

-abraham maslow-

short and to the point

i really need your prayers. things are hard. i cry a lot. i haven't eaten much all week. i feel hurt, helpless, like connection is really hard... but i want the connection. and i don't know what she's thinking.

cheers . . ..

13dec07 today's quote

i never saw a discontented tree. they grip the ground as though they liked it, and though fast rooted they travel about as far as we do. they go wandering forth in all directions with every wind, going and coming like ourselves, traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day, and through space heaven knows how fast and far!

-john muir-

12dec07 today's quote

hear no ill of a friend, nor speak any of an enemy.

-benjamin franklin-

dear diary,

i need a hug today.

11dec07 today's quote

if you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day.

-john a wheeler-

life IS short

i read the phrase "the quick and the dead" yesterday morning at church while reciting the apostle's creed. jay made a comment later in the service that he was slow, not quick. i then got to thinking.

what's the opposite of dead? alive. and how long is something dead? forever. death is eternal. and in the grand scheme of eternity, life is pretty short. so quick can be to mean the living. i always wondered why such a phrase existed. i think i've a little better grasp on it now.

cheers!

10dec07 today's quote

sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

09dec07 today's quote

i have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution.

-wernher von braun-

a few random pics from the weekend thus far.

i made a tiny, tiny snowman lastnight. i've not done that before. the little guy was formed from snow on a window sill outside magnolia, a restaurant in the haymarket. he accompanied me inside and was introduced to josh, molly, and mandi. mandi used some pepper to give him facial features. all in all, i'd say sherman (that's what i named him) was only 3 1/2 to 4 inches tall. here's a pic of my first tiny snowman:



and here's a note at work that i took a pic of. i like the sense of humor my manager has. i laughed so hard when i saw it.



and contrary to what was written on my back window, i like winter. i like the chill. i actually enjoy scooping snow. i like warming up.



cheers!

with all the snow...

i've been sliding all over the place... intentionally. since it's the first time this winter we've had slick streets, i'm still getting back in the swing of making my car go where i want it to go. earlier this year, i lived on the southern most part of town. there, people have money (or debt) and keep their cars in garages. this leaves the streets more open and readily available to be rally raced on. but now, living in the central part of town, houses are smaller and closer together. there isn't a great population of people having money. there are lots of renters too. this makes for streets lined with many cars. so i can't slide around as much.

these skills aren't solely used for entertainment. the other night at work, i drove right past the house to which i was to deliver a pizza. since i want to get the pizzas to places as soon as possible, i don't like taking time for a three-point turnabout. i came to an intersection very near and crowded right, kept up speed, turned the wheel way left, gave it more gas, and pulled the E brake. as the back end came around, i quickly began turning the wheel back. careful not to hit the brakes, as this causes you to NOT have control, i kept on the gas. with a slight, and perfect i might add, fishtail later, i was going the other way. it took only seconds and i never came to a stop. the customer was grateful the pizza showed up in a timely manner. they were not informed of my driving antics. but i always tell people "i got here as fast as i could for you." i see most people appreciate that.

i'd like to make it down to the south end of town, where the roads are car baron and windy. if only i had a helmet and numbers on the side of my car.

cheers!

08dec07 today's quote

there isn't anyone you couldn't love once you heard their story.

-mary lou kownacki-

here's what's tough

you've been going about something the wrong way.
there comes a time when you realize it.
you accept that you've been going about it the wrong way and accept what's went wrong.
you work through what you need to work through.
you then have a new understanding.
and you accept the new understanding.

it's at this point where i feel better. more joy seems to return and i get excited. i'm glad to be out of the thick of whatever it was but also excited because there's this new knowledge/wisdom/understanding i have.

being a very outward and verbally expressive person, i let others know of these new things. the tough part is when they don't understand how i am understanding. the toughness is compounded, too, when others are people i really love. and then, there is conflict. arghhhhh! i'd love to keep going on this idea, but time's in short supply today so i have to bounce.

cheers!

07dec07 today's quote

it ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

-wc fields-

06dec07 today's quote

laws control the lesser man. right conduct controls the greater one.

-chinese proverb-

75 years ago today...

prohibition ended and it became legal to consume alcohol again.

cheers!

05dec07 today's quote

it's easy to make a buck. it's a lot tougher to make a difference.

-tom brokai-

no movie night tonight

unfortunately, movie night won't be happening tonight. ben will be away at his company's christmas party and i'll be stuck at work. someone else may want to host a movie tonight. i think that would be cool. a change of scenery wouldn't be a bad thing. i'm more and more starting to wish there was a rotating movie venue each week. i think that would be exciting.

it's the christmas season and i'm recommending christmas-themed movies for the month. put your heads together and see what you guys come up with. and let ben and i know suggestions. here's a few from me: a christmas story, it's a wonderful life, and millions. and also, one of these nights, we all should have dinner before the movie.

cheers!

04dec07 today's quote

i think we may safely trust a good deal more than we do.

-henry david thoreau-

and in other news...

last night at 80's night was fun. a few things happened. the music had to stop because a girl was laying on the floor not moving her arms or legs. paramedics came in and she left on a stretcher. it was weird. i don't know what happened. also, a transsexual rubbed glitter all over my arms... my shirt too - all this to my dismay. then, two twins started dancing with me. they hung around most of the night. holly and genie were their names. they were really short, had short bleached out hair, and had matching samiam tatoos on their lower backs (which they freely showed). holly is six minutes older than genie. and finally, i got a little tipsy while there. not drunk, but getting there. whoops!

david and i had some good conversations throughout the night. we ran into a homeless guy with poor speech. we had trouble understanding him. here's a bit of the chat with he and david:

homeless guy: "bert"
david: "bert?"
homeless guy: "pert"
david: "dirt?"
homeless guy: "mert"
me: "what the heck are you saying? we can't understand you."
homeless guy: mumbled something i didn't understand, sort of laughed, began walking away.

another interesting night.

cheers!

it's times like these...

it's times like these when i look at myself, what i've done, and how i am. i become critical but feel it's in more a realistic way than a degrading one. often, i find myself doing this and now is another one of those times. people have a desire to be okay with themselves. right now, i guess i'm not. and when i say this, i don't mean it in a depressing kind of way. there is much light being shed here. but to be truthful, i am disappointed. and when i'm disappointed, i slump my shoulders, drop my guard, and quit going. it's sad and i don't like that about me.

cheers!

03dec07 today's quote

the holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

-mark twain-

02dec07 today's quote

there has to be sides. the universe doesn't exist as all the same.

something my friend dustin does

i'm going to say it was three and a half years ago... maybe? i know it hasn't been four years. :shrug: okay then. we'll say between three and four years ago. i was in kearney for the weekend visiting friends. i remember having a BLAST! man, it was a good weekend. the time with friends was soooo good and i had some really great conversations. conversations that got me thinking about life, people, and myself.

dustin and i were outside talking. it was just he and i. it was night. he was confessing he'd felt a bit lonely as of late. i remember him telling me that there were 250+ names in his phone and not one went a week without being called. i think that's simply AMAZING, keeping in touch like that. dustin felt lonely though, because he didn't get many calls from other people. "i know a lot of people scottie. but not many know me." he said. from the combination of talking with so many people and not feeling heard or felt, and having few people initiate calls with him, he was feeling lonely... apart... without... sad. i felt really bad for him. we hugged. i cried.

i kind of went off track there and described how dustin was feeling. that wasn't the intent of the post. though i'm not looking past that at all (it's an important event in his and my life and one i'll remember forever), i'm posting about how great it is that dustin initiated. and not just a little. he kept up with a LOT of people - all different types and on all different levels of acquaintances and friendships. dustin's such a cool guy and this is one thing about him that i really admire. i'm quite bad at initiating. yet i desire connection with those i know. so i'm making it a point to do what's difficult for me. i really want to and have wanted to for a while now. i'm going through my phone and email and am going to keep up with people. w00t!

cheers!

december has arrived!

and in grand fashion, too. last night we had freezing rain. it's now time for a continual cold to hang around for a few months. i don't mind the cold. i do however, mind the grey. :bleh:

the blog only has a month and a half to go until it's first birthday. and there's almost 500 posts. wow! we'll see if we can't top 500 by year's end. have a fantastical day all.

cheers!

01dec07 today's quote

those who wish to sing, always find a song.

kinda in a funk today

it started last night actually. i went to bed with some things on my mind. awaking to a new day helped, but only slightly. as the morning went on, i started feeling alone - the kind of alone where you really want to embrace someone and cry and be held. after that kind of embrace, you're ready to talk about the things in your mind or on your heart. i wanted to talk this morning, too.

i did get a text message from molly that boosted my spirits quite a bit. but there was still this lurking sense of loneliness and depression. i tried taking a nap but couldn't shut my mind off to get to sleep. i thought playing video games might help. it did slightly, but then i was soon wanting someone to play them with.

on my way to work, i told myself the old army teaching, "suck it up. drive on." yeah. i guess it works. but it's just repression really. it's not a method of actually dealing with anything. i'm hoping to feel better around my fellow co-workers. if you run into me tonight, give me a big ole hug, will ya? thanks.

cheers!

30nov07 today's quote

if honor be your clothing, the suit will last a lifetime; but if clothing be your honor, it will soon be worn threadbare.

-william arnot-

technical difficulties with the blog

there seems to be a problem loading videos onto the blog. while the problem is being taken care of, enjoy this pic of my car with a delivery sign atop it.



cheers!

29nov07 today's quote

of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.

-herman melville-

28nov07 today's quote

it's strange, but for me, "death" carries a sense of inevitability, while "divorce" involves an element of choice that makes it seem so much worse.

i'm a hippopotamus with noodles on my back video

this song is great. have fun ya'll. cheers!

getting through security

i wanted to surprise my girlfriend the other day. my plan was to come visit her at work unexpectedly. the trouble is, she's a lifeguard at the y downtown so i can't just walk in and see her. i didn't want to pay a fee to get in. there was a better idea going through my head though.

i still have my pita pit shirt and hat. after being let go, i never bothered taking them back. since i've personally made deliveries before to the girls at the front desk of the y, i hatched the plan to deliver "a pita" to molly. ha ha! i have some brown lunch bags here at home that look suprisingly similar to the delivery bags used at the pita pit. that's where i started. next, i dug through the recycle and found a credit card receipt from a restaurant i'd been to recently. the receipt was then taped to the bag. (i figured if the girls at the front desk insisted on taking the "pita" to molly, i could counter and say i needed a signature for the credit card). and since i wanted molly to feel special, i bought her favorite kind of apple and a bar of dark chocolate. i also wrote her a nice note and put that in the bag as well.

so i show up downtown, park outside, and plug the meter. i then typed up a text message to molly asking if she could receive deliveries... and to also look up from her lifeguard chair out the window. that's where i was standing. i saw her grab her phone and start reading the text message that i sent. she had the "what's going on?" look on her face. but when she looked up, she smiled. weeeeeeeeee! i showed the delivery bag and went to go inside. there was only one girl at the front desk and i said, "i've got a delivery for aaaaaa molly... jensen i think? i guess she's a lifeguard. i'm supposed to take it to her, but how do i get where she is?" by stating what i was doing and then asking where to go, the girl was forced to acknowledge and answer. works 99 out of 100 times. the girl pointed the way but you could tell she was confused about just letting someone in. molly told me later they've had problems with homeless people just walking in.

molly was surprised. weeeeeeeee! we ended up talking for about 45 minutes. i wonder if the girl at the front desk wondered why i was there for so long?

the moral of the story? there's a few actually. one, that special someone should be surprised and made to feel special. and two, i love being mischievous.

cheers!

27nov07 today's quote

on the whole, human beings generally want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

-george orwell-

canned, let go, made redundant, axed... fired

i no longer work at the pita pit. my boss there was TERRIBLE, as a boss and as a person. long story short, i was 45 minutes late for a shift i didn't remember i was to work. i feel justin was awful quick to fire me and his reasoning was pretty un-legit. but hey. bad people are bad people and do bad things.

i've since gotten a job at davinci's doing deliveries. my friend tina works there and as i was telling her about the pita pit fiasco, she informed me davinci's was hiring. i filled out an application online and went into the store and they gave me a job right there. tina's a manager and she spoke very highly of me.

i'm having waaaaaaaaay more fun than i did at the pita pit. better work environment/conditions, better management, better hours, and better pay all are making the new job so fun! i was telling ben lastnight that delivery driving is like trick-or-treating. i show up at someone's door, ring the doorbell, and they give me money. it's awesome!

good things have come from getting away from the negativity and stress at the pita pit (all caused by said terrible boss justin). that stress and anxiety is gone, and i'm having fun at my job again. it's nice to see that things can be good even when you're in the thick of something really bad. i'm aware that god had a hand in this and though i should have left the pita pit earlier in search of better employment, god picked up my slack and helped me out. i attribute the new job to his working in my life. as always, he rules! weeeeeeeeeee!

cheers!

26nov07 today's quote

living is being born slowly. it would be a little too easy if we could borrow ready-made souls.

-antoine de saint exupéry-

thanksgiving 2007

thanksgiving was pretty typical again this year. same relatives. same food. same ho hum. i felt a little let down awaiting for some kind of pizazz, but none came.

i did bring josh home with my though. he couldn't make it back to kansas. i didn't want him to spend the few days by himself so i invited him home with me. we had a fun time singing the whole way there. he got to see my house where i grew up. we went to el matador, one of the great mexican restaurants in columbus.

josh and i then headed to maximus, a pool hall. we played A LOT of pool.

then we went to the pawnee bar. it's a very popular bar back home. lots of people i know always show up on the holidays and nearby days off that go along with them. the pawnee bar is well known for their "dukes". a duke is 36 ounces of beer in a great big mug. you can get just a plain beer, an orange beer - with orange juice in it, a red beer - with tomato juice in it, a salsa beer - with salsa in it, or a pineapple beer - with pineapple juice in it. all this beer for only $2.00. yep. $2.00. no special. that's the normal everyday price. (columbus has the cheapest beer on the planet, nothing much to do, and subsequently, quite a drinking problem).

after the bar, josh and i drove to the east of town and had some food at a truck stop. there was waaaaaaay too much food for me to eat and i had to take some home. it was good. it was cheap.

awaking on thanksgiving day, i finished off the rest of the veggie omelette. then everyone went to my grandmother's house. there were a lot of people there and i don't think my grandmother planned well enough. there wasn't enough food for all the people to get full. i ate plenty however. there were a few games of pool played. we played A LOT of card games. my family is big into cards. which worked out great for josh because he is big into cards as well.

we left around 7:30. it was already dark and had been for some time. i remember it feeling really late. my sister, josh, and i played risk and the simpson's clue and the game of life. i was getting tired so i layed down. my sister did the same. my brother went to bed because he had to work in the morning. josh stayed up and watched silver surfer.

in the morning, my mother made waffles and eggs, bacon, and sausage. everyone watched the nebraska game and their ever so often game blowing antics. i went outside to shoot a paintball gun. josh and my brother joined me.

josh needed to be back in lincoln by 5:00 for work. we arrived home around 3:00 and started watching arkansas attempt to take down lsu. i left as josh was leaving for work and kept up with the game via internet at home. arkansas won! sa-weet! i farted around at home for a bit. should have done laundry. then i went to a bar to watch hawaii play boise st. i'm a hawaii fan. they won. w00t! i played some pinball at the bar. josh and i ended the night at another bar playing pool. he beat me three straight times. ):

and today i start a new job. cheers!

24nov07 today's quote

it isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out. it's the grain of sand in your shoe.

15nov07 today's quote

the pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. no americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.

-h u westermayer-

wow! amazing pizza twirling video

Worlds Greatest Pizza Twirler - Watch more free videos

he rolls it across the table! he flips it behind his back! he's like the harlem globetrotters of the pizza world. awesome! i'd love to stand in line awaiting a pizza and be able to watch people preparing it in this way. too cool!

cheers . . ..

13nov07 today's quote

as we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others we should be glad of an opportunity to serve others by an invention of ours, and this we should do freely and generously.

-benjamin franklin-

might as well post pics of the dog

have you ever seen the benji movies? dakota, my sister's dog, looks quite similar to that hollywood doggie. here she is.



molly has a dog just about exact to dakota. her dog is named benji. benji is short for benjiman. brilliant! benji has a middle name (or two) but i have trouble remembering it/them. benji is a little smaller and has hair which is more curly.

cheers . . ..

10nov07 today's quote

there are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.

floggy molly - drunken lullabies music video

irish punk rock!



cheers . . ..

08nov07 today's quote

life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.

-antoine de saint-exupéry-

pinball, a favorite past time

for the past month, i've been playing a lot of pinball. it's so fun! i used to play pinball an awful lot when i was a kid. there was a bowling alley not quite a mile away that my friends and i would walk to in order to spend bazillions of quarters in the arcade there. i've found a pinball machine at orourke's that i used to play. i'm pretty good at it. the points needed for a free game have steadily been upped and upped. but to no avail, as i keep winning them. w00t! w00t! also, i've scored some pretty high points. here are the pics of those scores.



i rule. cheers . . ..

07nov07 today's quote

in three words i can sum up everything i've learned about life: it goes on.

-robert frost-

06nov07 today's quote

the petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.

-william feather-

scottieb and the strip club(s)

as a delivery driver for a restaurant, it's my job to get food to people who've called in and ordered it. i'd heard rumors of a certain delivery, and hoped i'd never have to do it. well, the time came... unfortunately.

my manager excitedly handed me a delivery. smiling, and a little laughing, he told me where i was going - the night before lounge. "crap!" i thought. this is going to suck. i really REALLY didn't want to go into a strip club. but it's my job and i have to do it. so, i make the food and bag it up. i was so distraught about having to go and not wanting to go. my manager laughs and jokes that i really like doing this. haha, not funny. i drive to the strip club, still consumed with the thoughts of not wanting to do this. i had pretty much worried myself sick about it and nearly threw up right outside the door. but i thought i'd be a man, go in there, keep in the right state of mind, do what i need to do, and leave.

it took a while for my eyes to adjust because it was really dark in there. i had to walk past some tables and chairs and empty poles to get to the bar. there were three or four men sitting at the bar. i pitied them greatly. there was a lady in stockings, nothing else, girating on the bar top. i could have went the entire day without seeing a naked set of breasts and would have been happy. but no. they were just there. "ugh! i didn't want to see those!" the bartender lady asked who the food was for. i told her it was for susan. she instantly got a confused look on her face. she told me, "i don't know the first names of the girls here". how sad is that! she paid me out of the cash register. i left as quick as i could.

now if you look back at the title of this post, you'll see it says strip club(s). plural. this is where the story turns a bit. and where my stomach did the exact same thing. upon returning to the restaurant, the phone rings. my manager answers. when he hangs up, he tells me that was the strip club. turns out i delivered to the wrong strip club. i guess i was so caught up in the grossness that i wasn't thinking clearly.

me jokingly: "silly me! not knowing the strip clubs in lincoln!"
me serious: "ugh! not only do i have to go BACK, i have to go to ANOTHER one!"

so i prepare some new food and head over to the night before lounge. this strip club is way bigger than the other one. there is a scantily clad lady picking songs on a jukebox to my right. straight ahead there are ladies dancing around poles in front of guys in the row closest the stage, aka the erection section (per the guy announcing). :ick: the bar is way down towards the back on the left. i stand there not wanting to get any closer to these naked ladies than i have to. i must have looked pretty dumb. lol! one of the strippers came up to me and gave me a wad of cash (all ones) and said i should go. as i'm stepping outside the club, an old manager of the restaurant drives by and notices me. this was mildy embarassing. but not as embarassing as when he later came in during a busy time and asked, rather loudly, how the strip club was.

i drove back to the other strip club, the foxy lady, and gave them back the money they'd given me. they wanted to return the food, but that seemed pretty pointless to me. i let her keep it. maybe she was hungry? and the delivery tag has listed what is on the food. i leave. whew! it's over!

not yet...

the very next day, i get a delivery to the foxy lady. my manager laughs. i get there, go inside. two strippers at the bar beckon me over to them. i walk past a naked lady on the bar top. again, didn't want to see things, but sometimes they are put right in front of you and you see them. apparently, the mix up from the day before was all the buzz at the club amongst the ladies working there. and also apparently, the ladies wanted to meet the tall delivery guy from the day before. they tried to strike up a conversation. i handled it masterfully, layed a little charm on them, gave myself a perfect exit, and said my goodbyes to them... leaving them hanging just a little bit. perhaps i'll run into them somewhere besides their work place and can talk to them.

to recap, in the course of two days, i entered strip clubs four times, saw way more naked ladies than i care to see, and now worry that i'll be called for deliveries in the future because the ladies at the foxy lady like me now. at least i didn't have to pull the tip money out of their breasts like one of the old delivery drivers had. that's good. i'd have let them keep it.

cheers . . ..

05nov07 today's quote

giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

02nov07 today's quote

better lives have been lived in the margins, locked in the prisons and lost on the gallows, than have ever been enshrined in palaces.

01nov07 today's quote

the first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

-abbie hoffman-

it's halloween!

i never got my hair cut which really bums me out. i was going for a mohawk. it would have topped off the 80's punk rocker i was going to be today. i still want to try a mohawk for awhile, see how it goes. sometime soon. 4: anywho, here's my jack-o-lantern this year.


cheers . . ..

31oct07 today's quote

autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.

-albert camus-

30oct07 today's quote

a good home must be made, not bought.

-joyce maynard-

29oct07 today's quote

i bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of halloween.

some pics from the last week, or so...

i took this tonight while sitting at o'rourke's after work. i had an itch for coffee and didn't want to walk two blocks to get one, so i went three doors down and got one. the cashews behind the bar were calling to me so i picked some of them up too. then i played a few games of pinball.


this little girl was also in the bar. weird, huh? yes indeed. to see a little girl in the bar. but hold your thoughts for a moment. she was doing just fine in the bar. she had adults (i assume her mother and father) looking after her. it's a sunday early evening so there isn't any riff raff in the bar. she was happily coloring in her coloring books. i found this very cool. not that i would condone my children being in a bar at that age, but if the situation was like this one, then i'd have not a single problem with it.


this is my roomie yesterday at a tool expo we went to. he is holding the biggest combination wrench i've ever seen!


this is a pumpkin i picked up at the pumpkin patch last week. i will be cooking him and making my famous pumpkin cranberry bread, some pancakes, and hopefully some muffins. no pie, though, because i'm terrible at pies.

cheers . . ..

here we go again

my excellent and fantastic roomie has gotten the internet up and running on both computers again. w00t! looks like i'm back in business blogging on a daily basis then.

cheers . . ..

28oct07 today's quote

after i'm dead, i'd rather have people ask why i have no monument, than why i have one.

-cato the elder-

14oct07 today's quote

what is true by lamplight is not always true by sunlight.

-joseph joubert-

i hear nebraska is getting ROCKED.

uh-oh. now i have to listen to all the bitter fans whine for weeks on end. i have to say, the whining is one thing i cannot stand about nebraska fans.

and on a side note, hawaii is 7 and 0. colt brennan had another typical day passing for 545 yards BUT he threw 4 interceptions. that'll bring his rating down.

cheers . . ..

until i get around to a wireless router...

there won't be regular updates to the blog. that stinks. i know. here are some updates on life:

-i've been moved to days at work so i'll be off around 5pm each day. no weekends. sweet!
-my cousin is getting married in january. i get to be an usher and also do the sound/music at the reception.
-brittan finished the assembly of his new bike. here's a pic:
-my younger brother bought a ps3.
-i've been playing a lot of pinball.
-that's the short list. i'm out. cheers . . ..

video of a prank, on youtube

so funny! i laughed hard!



cheers . . ..

13oct07 today's quote

men are not against you, they are merely for themselves.

-gene fowler-

long time no blog

:dusts cobwebs off of my blog:

boy! it's been a while since i've blogged. the reason? after returning from colorado, the network hub between ben's computer and my laptop was removed and ever since, my laptop doesn't want to connect to the internet (despite many attempts). i feel awkward taking up time on ben's computer. and i've been in a funk for a bit. this combination has left the blog rather barren for the last three weeks.

there is no way i'm going to make up for lost time by posting all that's been going on in my life. it would take a long time and the post would be way too long. catch you on the flip side. cheers . . ..

02oct07 today's quote

education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.

-b f skinner-

18sep07 today's quote

every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to right down.

-hector berlioz-

out to lunch

i'm off for the great lands of colorado. my brother is getting married this weekend. i am more than certain that i will have a load of stories to tell upon my return. in my absence, willliam the furious wonder monkey will be ruling the kingdom. cheers . . ..

13sep07 today's quote

what has always made a hell on earth has been that man has tried to make it his heaven.

-friedrich holderlin-

odd timing

while at duffy's last night, i ran into a friend of my friend jenny. his name is justin and he's originally from georgia. he has been through bible college somewhere in georgia, a pentaoostal one. from his actions and words, he's left pretty much all of that behind him. we got to talking though. the subject of my job came up, jenny knowing that my last day at gallup is today. i asked justin if he knew of places hiring. come to find out he's a manager at the pita pit downtown on o street. he said, "i'll give you a job tonight". whoa! he even gave me a free meal there.

i'm excited to not have a lapse in employment. the culture at the pita pit among the employees is awesome and i fit right into most of it. there is food all around me and discounts on it - sweet! and i hang out downtown with people a lot, so it'll be nice to just be right there. but...

it's the pita pit. it's not the most desirable job by most anyone. but it is a job and i'll keep looking for another. the pay isn't super great, but with it being closer to home, i'm thinking i'll be driving less. plus there is a food discount. there will be some late hours involved too.

i'm thankful that i will still have an income as i continue to look for another job. i'm even more thnakful that i'm away from gallup, a job i simply cannot stand any longer. we'll see what happens. cheers . . ..

12sep07 today's quote

for man, autumn is a time of harvest, of gathering together.
for nature, it is a time of sowing, of scattering abroad.

-edwin teale-

11sep07 today's quote

faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.

-rabindranath tagore-

there hasn't been a lot of action here

i've not really had much to talk about as of late. nothing productive anyway. it looks as it's rained overnight. that's good. and the temp for the past few days has been cool. i like it and i don't like it. the warmth of the summer is great. it lasts pretty much from may into september. but the coolness of the fall is too quick to turn into the cold of winter. fall is just too short a season. imagine if fall lasted as long as the summer! but then years would be longer because there would be something like 14 or 15 months in them.

cheers . . ..

10sep07 today's quote

family has nothing to do with biology.

09sep07 today's quote

war is a cowardly escape from the problems of peace.

-thomas mann-

08sep07 today's quote

man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark.

-zen proverb-

07sep07 today's quote

venting is just bad ventriloquism. you use another voice, but people can see your lips moving.

06sep07 today's quote

any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. there are no exceptions to this rule.

-stephen king-

05sep07 today's quote

a wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

-sir francis bacon-

roller suit video

a guy in a specially designed suit with little wheels. it's just him and the suit, flying along through the swiss alps. it's absolutely amazing how fast he is going.



cheers . . ..

went to omaha, saw a movie, saw another movie, had a beer, hung out with friends

how was your labor day? cheers . . ..

04sep07 today's quote

many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

-evan esar-

03sep07 today's quote

success is like death. the more successful you become, the higher the houses in the hills get and the higher the fences get.

-kevin spacey-

weekends in the fall, simply the best

one of the greatest times of the year is fast approaching. that time is fall. ah yes, the autumnal equinox. already the grasses and weeds are into the drying out stage preparing for winter. everything is getting crispy. there will soon be a harvest. the sunlight is more orangish in color. the nights are becoming cooler.

this weekend was the first weekend for college football. nebraska won over nevada and showed much promise for this upcoming season. it will be exciting to watch them. notre dame, on the other hand, didn't show so well. they could only eke out a field goal while georgia tech put up 33 on them. ouch! but it's not all a loss, because boise st trampled their opponent. they came into the season ranked 24th, with hawaii ranked 23rd. the w.a.c. usually doesn't have teams in the top 25, so this is awesome. i'm really hoping both teams do really well.

brittan, on a whim, came up from texas this weekend. he and his grandmother went to the nebraska game yesterday. i imagine he felt out of place there. we hung out for a short while last night but i was feeling ill at the onset of the evening. i tried napping it off but that did not work. the headache i had wasn't a full on headache. it was showing potential, but it wasn't as strong as it could be. it was making me nauseous. i felt i could ralph at any moment. so i retired early, much to my dismay. i slept well. church was good, but it was my week to help out with the kiddies, so i missed the message.

i'm trying to let a beard grow in. it's itchy. people tell me it will subside. not soon enough though. linda anderson recommended using conditioner on it. i'll have to try that.

damn, it's nice out. i'm enjoying the breeze before i head off to work for a bit. tonight is 80's night. of course i'm excited. i'm off.

cheers . . ..

02sep07 today's quote

wine is bottled poetry.

-robert louis stevenson-

caturday!

it's been awhile. cheers . . ..

01sep07 today's quote

i will not play at tug o' war,
i'd rather play at hug o' war,
where everyone hugs,
instead of tugs....

-shel silverstein-

31aug07 today's quote

the easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. the hardest is with one.

-joan baez-

and in other news...

my younger brother has a job. this has been long awaited. he is working for the newspaper back home. the hours are nice, day hours and off by noon. he gets paid very well by columbus standards. him finding a job is definately an answer to prayer. earning money on a regular basis is a new thing to him and will present many, many challenges.

cheers . . ..

some pics of the week so far

while waiting in the parking lot at golden corral, i took this picture. most of the storm passed on to the north of town. we didn't get much action from it.


this picture was taken of the sky to the east. i wish i could have captured some of the great lightning that was flashing all around.


here is jars of clay taking the stage.


here's a quick shot taken of those sitting in the row. there's jay, ben, mel, dave, amy, ben, and renea.


and a phone, but no phone. i thought it funny. cheers . . ..

30aug07 today's quote

think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.

-henri louis bergson-

29aug07 today's quote

good manners will open doors that the best education can not.

-clarence thomas-

28aug07 today's quote

to design is to communicate clearly by whatever means you can control or master.

-milton glaser-

just what i needed

i left work early tonight to go to ben and crystal's house for a meal. megan and crystal had prepared some delicious food. there was some chicken (it just fell apart in my mouth! i could have gone with less spice, but remember, i'm a spice wuss and i'm glad i got to taste indian food that was more real to indian food and not catered to my wants), and there was some veggies (the zuchinni was the best part. unlike my roomie, i love zuchinni. and the veggies were very colorful. you have to have color in your food!), and there was non (it's the bread. so good). megan lund made brownies and i ate them with ice cream and then had a mint or two, or three, and some coffee.

the time there was so good! i left work feeling without energy. i debated going home and showering because i felt gross, but knew if i did go home, that i'd crash and would have called it quits for the day. so i lumbered up the stairs to the davy house. once around friends and smelling food, i began to feel the energy called life coming back to me. and now, with a full belly, a smile, an awesome breeze coming through the windows, and a nalgene full of water, i am sitting down to watch a documentary on ants. i checked it out from the library this afternoon.

good night all. have swell dreams. cheers . . ..

27aug07 today's quote

even a clock that does not work is right twice a day.

26aug07 today's quote

from now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which i will not put.

-winston churchill-

um...it's been boring...yeah...it stinks

i've been asked a lot lately how my summer has been. i hate the question. not always, i just hate it right now. because my summer has been non-eventful and boring. i can't help but think it's just been a waste of time. i've neither progressed or advanced in the least in any aspect of life. that's the saddest part of the whole thing. and i've been working a job i don't like and where the hours have kept me from being able to hang out regularly with a lot of friends. there's been a lot of time being by myself - too much time actually. it's made me feel terribly lonely. much of this time has been spent going over what i've done, what i could have done, where i could be and where i'm not. it's depressing.

believe it or not i've been in and out of a depression since shortly before i moved out of the house i lived in with brittan. ... ... that was four years ago. so if i've not fully answered your questions or have been ducking out early or not fully laughing at your jokes, it's because i'm not happy. i'd write more but it would long and drawn out.

cheers . . ..

the newest addition to the armory

i got a really good deal on this paintball gun. it's a smart parts shocker s/f. the s/f stands for select fire. the gun can be switched from semi, to three shot burst, to full auto. my favorite thing about the gun is the awesome splash color scheme. splash anno was pretty popular back in the nineties.

i need to acquire a few more masks and i'd have enough set ups for half a dozen people to go play. i'd like to get some friends together who've not played and go spend a day playing. that would be great! i'm thinking for jay's bachelor party, paintball should be involved.



cheers . . ..

25aug07 today's quote

whoever is in a hurry shows that the thing he is about is too big for him.

-lord chesterfield-

you see a napkin, i see a super hero!

here he is:



and here our super hero has just defeated the evil tobasco villian!



i was at yia yia's last night with some friends. i began to play with a napkin. a short time after, i noticed the napkin had taken shape! fun times. cheers . . ..

24aug07 today's quote

the greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

-elbert hubbard-

23aug07 today's quote

no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.

-henry ward beecher-

you're super cool man

i can't tell you how many times i get polled over each week and this happens to me. :rolleyes: cheers . . ..

22aug07 today's quote

the most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "eureka", but "that's funny..."

-isaac asimov-

21aug07 today's quote

dream a stream of magic and love,
imagine summer on a star above.

-andrew, age 10-

totino's party pizza

i bought a frozen pizza from the grocery store this morning. i've not had one in ages and am excited to eat it. i'm going to add my own sauce on top of it, some provolone cheese, and tomatoes. w00t w00t! i'm drooling.

i've danced so much on saturday and sunday that my legs are sore, especially my calves. ben the roomie arrived back last night. and i've got a new 80's music cd that david made me. man, is it awesome! music you've never heard.

have a swell day all.

cheers . . ..

20aug07 today's quote

fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.

-german proverb-

the family reunion in kansas, and wow!

yesterday, i went with my family to kansas for a family reunion on my father's side. about two weeks ago, my father had asked if i wanted to go. i knew it would mean a lot to him if i attended. so i told him i would go. i was a little worried that i'd be bored or hurting from all the brokenness i'd run into there.

my family stopped at my apartment in lincoln early saturday morning. my aunt even came from omaha. we all rode in my parents' new vehicle. i brought along a crossword from wednesday's paper and figured i'd pass the time doing that. my aunt is big into crosswords and she finished the last half because i couldn't.

i was curious as to how things would turn out. my father's side of the family is stubborn, passive, non confrontational, negative, and unchurched and wanting nothing to do with church. people on that side of the family sit around and small talk mostly. there's never any meat to the conversations and nothing even remotely close to a deep thought. it was amazing to see this as a common trait amongst everyone and to think about how it's been passed along through the generations. i began to think about how i've been affected by this.

there was so little motivation for connection that i was getting pretty intimidated to initiate any. in my heart i wanted these people to connect, to know each other, and to love each other. i was deeply saddened. this is one thing i thought about before i answered my father and told him i'd go to the reunion. this was a great temptation to say no. i made myself known to some people playing basketball (we were in a community center that had a basketball court). there was dylan, an eighth grader. i believe he's barb's son and they might live in wymore. i think barb is my grandmother's sister but i really don't know for sure. there was also a little girl, i'd say about six or seven. her name was zoe (pronounced zo-ee). she was really good at basketball for her age! there were about four other kids under the age of five. i don't know their names. but i did pick one of the little boys up and i held him over my head so he could put the ball in the hoop. he was the happiest little guy then! i'd like to see the photo his mother took of it.

well, it was getting time to eat. and i hadn't breakfast that morning so i was starving. i was sitting at a table, across from my sister, looking at all the food. i knew no one was going to pray for this food or ask the lord to be with us all. this also saddened me. not because some ritual wasn't observed, but because there would be no thanks given, no exclamation of praise...no admitting to our need of a savior. i prayed inside that the food would be blessed, and that i wanted god to be present. i also prayed that i wanted people to be open to one another. and then something happened that i think is really, really, really, really awesome.

one of the most outspoken men of the family came to me AND ASKED IF I'D SAY GRACE.

whoa! i felt honored! i can't tell you all the things that were going through my mind at that moment. holy cow! god! you are awesome! the man whistled by putting his fingers in his mouth. people quieted down. it was still. i thanked god for the food and for those who had brought it and for this time to come together as a family, i asked him to be a part of this gathering, i asked for his blessing over the food and the hands that prepared it, i asked that he make our hearts open to one another, to be receptive, that we would enjoy each other and that he would be glorified. i think it was a longer prayer than what anyone was expecting "saying grace" would be. my mother immediately told me, "that was a nice prayer scottie". she then told me i should be a minister. many others came up during the remainder of the day and told me thank you for praying. i give credit to god. he gets all the glory for this. for he raised me up at an appointed time.

i'm curious how god will use this event in others' lives? i question the same for my own life? one thing that amazes me about this whole thing is god's answering to our prayers, also, his intervention. i was praying silently in my own mind not asking god specifically to make these things happen. rather, i was telling him the pains in my own heart. god then answered that prayer. EVEN THOUGH I HAD NOT ASKED HIM SPECIFICALLY FOR ANYTHING. he knows what we need. he knows what's best for us. he answers prayers we don't even pray for. he intervenes in our lives.

it is this very excitement, joy, praise, and amazement in my own heart that i wish others to know. i'm happy. i'm still in shock. and i'm outta here. gonna go dance my little heart out. cheers . . ..

19aug07 today's quote

the test of courage comes when we are in the minority. the test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.

-ralph w sockman-

something super lame

my friend robin had no ride home from dowtown lastnight. she asked, and i gave her a ride. instead of going straight home, she wanted to go to a party. so i went to the party with her, around 8th and sumner. the house was a wreck. the people there were young, drunk, and ghetto. i say ghetto in that they were all white, but they all thought they were black. and sure enough, it took only a few minutes before a fight broke out. one guy cold cocked another guy who was minding his own business outside. mr innocent dropped like a bag of potatos, out cold. then there were friends of his at his defense and more punches were thrown. my friend pinky got hit. pinky is a big guy. he doesn't like to be drawn into this kind of stuff and is big enough to put a stop to things pretty quickly. some of the thugs were at a distance just taunting pinky, who by now had a group around him holding him back. there was a lot of tension. eventually a bunch of people left, claiming to come back with guns.

come back with guns? come on! that is the lamest, LAMEST thing ever. freakin' white boy thug gansta wannabes! :shakes head in disgust: it's rediculous. SO rediculous. pinky decided to leave, just in case the group did come back. i left shortly after as well. robin decided she wanted to stay. i don't know why, but that was her call and i double and tripled asked.

stupid, petty squables that break out into fist fights? a glorification of the gansta life? wtf? are you not mature? can you not act your age? have you only half a brain?

i'll stop before i get angry. if you ever find yourself in this kind of situation, get out of it. wannabes are, more often than not, more dangerous than the real deal. cheers . . ..

18aug07 today's quote

always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep.

-h jackson brown jr-

overgrown

i love looking out of the front window of my apartment at the overgrown foliage growing in the drainage runoff canal thingie across the street. the sides of the drainage canal are too steep to be mowed and as such, the vegetation is out of control. it's awesome, so wild! i imagine millions of little critters call this vegetation forest their home. i think i like most how organic it is. and there exists a complete absence of human beings.

currently outside i see rain coming down. weeeee! i see, and hear, cars driving past. i imagine the drivers to be anxious to get home after a week of work. i'm excited the weekend is here as well. tomorrow, my family is swinging through lincoln to pick me up on their way to kansas. there is a family reunion (my father's side). i've not seen some of these family members in a long time. i won't even remember them. it means a lot to my father, so i told him i'd go. his family is not well connected. my family is not well connected. i see it in my father though, that he desires a connection. it's just interesting to me to be able to detect the desire in him, even if he may not know what it is.

the reunion is keeping me from being in stanton. there is a demolition derby and a dance tonight. it stinks missing out on things! but i look forward to what tomorrow will bring. cheers . . ..

17aug07 today's quote

creativity can solve almost any problem. the creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything.

-george lois-

16aug07 today's quote

i pray on the principle that wine knocks the cork out of a bottle. there is an inward fermentation, and there must be a vent.

-henry ward beecher-

some pics of an amazing sunset

too bad i the only camera i have exists on my mobile. these pics can only give you an idea of how awesome this sunset was. they cannot give you a fuller picture as a nicer camera could have. the sunset occured two saturdays ago. i was at a lake north of columbus.



amazing! cheers . . ..

15aug07 today's quote

when you close your doors and make darkness within, remember to never say that you are alone. for you are not alone, nay, god is within, and your genius is within. and what need have they of light to see what you are doing?

-epictetus-

ready? set? okay... here goes

quick post of the day's events. and i mean quick, i'm going to bed.

this morning, my phone showed a missed call from my younger brother at 2:41am. made me worry. received a call from super target optical requesting i come in and interview on thursday afty. i baked a casserole. it rules. at work, i called a woman whose first name was "lady". i had some fun on the call. "okay lady. you don't speak english lady? lady, what language do you speak? i'll have someone call you back lady that speaks spanish. lady, have a great evening okay? goodbye lady." i intentionally was loud. people around me wondered what the duece was going on. ha ha! went to seward. hung out with jake. am now recommending the gallery to everyone i know. am also recommending to everyone i know that they not play jake in pool...they will lose. barteneder there recognized me from 80's night. small world. jake went to work. i drove, windows down, home. chased a moth around the house. he must have snuck in when i came in. catch and release. he's flying around outside now. drank some water. blogged. went to bed.

okay. now i'm off to bed. don't let the bed bugs bite. cheers . . ..

14aug07 today's quote

the great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.

-madeleine l'engle-

and the riddle has been solved

mike callen had the correct answer. the old lady could make eight cigarettes in all. with 49 butts, the woman would have made seven cigarettes, smoked them all, then had seven butts left over, and made one last cigarette out of the remaining butts. the riddle is unclear as to what the old lady does with the lone cigarette butt at the end.

i assume mike likes riddles. he thought a lot about this one. mike, you win the prize. but there really is no prize, sorry. but you do get the congratulations. cheers . . ..