onward and upward. upward mostly.

it's not that i'm bad with vocabulary, as in knowing many words and understanding their meaning and usage, but rather, that i'm bad at matching words to my feelings inside. using words to describe these things is awfully tough for me. throw in a bit of perfectionist (and stubborness) and now you have a real struggle. what i'm getting at here, is that i'm trying to find a word that describes this week.

i'm going to say humbling. this week has been humbling. i've been seeking the lord endlessly over the past seven days. i remembered that i am to give ALL of myself to him. all, all, all. everything. so i've been doing this. it hasn't been easy. it's been so hard to accept his grace and to give myself grace. it's also been hard to let go the burdens. they're not for me to carry. i remembered that i'm not in control. that things don't happen on my time. they happen on god's time and his timing is perfect. his plan is perfect.

i've given everything to the lord and am trusting in his plan. he's awesome. he'll do his thing and i know that it can't be done any better than that. and it can't be done any better for me than his way.

today, mike's sermon seemed like it was intended just for me. i spoke to him afterward and thanked him and told him his sermon was really good for me. we got to talking and i asked him how he's been. he began telling me and as i listened, i asked questions. he kept talking and i soon realized, he had just gone through some very similar issues emotionally and of the heart. i didn't talk about myself at all. didn't feel i needed to. the talk with mike was very encouraging for me. one of the things i wrote on my prayer request this week was praise for an increased faith as of late. i've been approaching god from the heart. being real. he's shown his love greatly. my joy in him is greater now and i give praise to him for all of this!

cheers!